Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Adam Heine - New Year's Resolutions



So this one requires some explanation.

First, what it is: a silhouette version of this picture, which is me and our now-teenage daughter back when she still liked me (or at least tolerated me enough to sit for a picture together).

Our relationship has been hard for the last couple of years, and I've been learning more than anything how to give her space and forgive her crap. These are both mostly for my sake, because I've also learned that basically nothing I do will change her heart. Nothing will change her heart at all unless and until she decides she wants to change.

So today is her birthday, a day she loathes because she is forced to endure the attentions of the family she doesn't always want to be a part of. This is a part of my present to her. It says: "No matter what happens, you'll always have Dad's love."

She won't like it -- she hates being reminded that I love her -- but her liking it is not the point. My resolution (which is not so much a new resolution as an ongoing one) is to keep loving her and forgiving her no matter what she does.

8 comments:

Peter Hong said...

adam, that's heartbreaking but also amazing. what a great picture of a father's love, and something for me to aspire to.

Adam Heine said...

Hopefully you'll never have to go that far. It ain't easy :-)

K. Marie Criddle said...

Adam, I'm so sorry your family has gone through that but I'm so happy to know she has an amazing family likes yours. The picture is beautiful. Can I ask what it says in Thai?
Seriously lovely, thanks for sharing it. I'm so glad we're doing this again!

Adam Heine said...

The translation is the quote above (sorry that wasn't clear): "No matter what happens, you'll always have Dad's love."

K. Marie Criddle said...

Oh, you're right. Missed that part...what a great sentiment.

Adam Heine said...

My hope is that one day, like maybe in 10 years, she will see that too. Even if she never admits it to me :-)

Charles Eubanks said...

That's a heartbreaking story! I also went through a rough patch with my parents during my teenage years. Thankfully, we resolved our differences long ago, and we get along great now. After the fact, my mom said that, while I was not talking to them, she kept dreaming the line "leave them alone, and they'll come home, wagging their tails behind them." And that's pretty much what happened!

I'm sure things will work out in the end with your daughter. You sound like a very caring and patient dad.

Adam Heine said...

Ha! I never really thought about what that line means (or might mean). I like that a lot :-) Thanks, Charles!